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Сегодня у нас целых 7 историй
Мой папаша был несколько лет назад в командировке в Англии. Пошли они
как-то с другими сотрудниками вместе поужинать в индийский ресторан.
Народ подобрался со всего света, батя мой там единственный русский.
Приносит им официант-индус еду, интересно ему стало, спрашивает: откуда,
мол, люди добрые. Ну, ему отвечают, я, мол, из Португалии, а вот деваха
- из Норвегии, а вот этот парень (папаша мой) из России. Индус услышал,
что есть человек из России, обрадовался и говорит: "А я по-русски
немного умею." Папа: "Ну скажи чего-нибудь" Индус: "Пошел на х@й!"
Папаша мой прифигел от такого, спрашивает - сам-то понял, чего сказал?
И вообще, откуда слова такие умные знаешь?
И индус этот объяснил: "У меня брат женился на русской и уехал в
Петербург. И когда я ему звоню и подходит к телефону его жена, она
говорит вот эту фразу.

В нашем отделе кто-то брал у экспертов цифровой фотоаппарат на день
рождения поснимать и установил в нем соответствующую рамочку. Эксперт,
выезжавший на место происшествия, то ли не смог ее убрать, то ли забыл.
И теперь у нас в уголовном деле на фототаблицах труп в разных ракурсах в
обрамлении разноцветных воздушных шариков и с надписью Happy Birthday!

Дело было в 1998. Работал я на фирме алюминиевых конструкций-окна, двери, там, разные... Горит заказ на дверь в аптеку, ребята спешно собираются и тут выясняется, что доводчиков на такие двери нет, а есть один для дверей весом килограмм за сто, а наша - от силы тридцать. Начальник: "Фигня! Подрегулируете." Ладно, ребята ставят все это в аптеку. Дня через три звонок: "Что ж такое вы нам на дверь навесили, паразиты?! Нам старушек прямо к стойке забрасывает!" "Ничего! Все исправим!" Менеджер кладет трубку и так раздумчиво выдает: "Тридцать кг дверь, да семьдесят - старушка... Хоть этот нормально работает!"

Однажды в Челябинске мы застряли в лифте (4 мальчика и 3 девочки).
Поскольку мы были студентами, то все казалось весело. Когда стало
трудно дышать, стали посещать мысли о смерти. Темно, страшно...
Кто-то сказал:
- Ну вот, теперь осталось только покурить и потрахаться,
на что одна девочка ответила:
- Только не курите!

Родители одной прелестной девочки решили научить ее музыке и подарили
великолепное фортепьяно. Через неделю я позвонила подруге, чтобы узнать,
как дела у ее дочки. "Все хорошо, я убедила ее перейти на флейту",
сказала подруга. "Это почему?", спросила я. "Понимаешь", ответила
подруга, "когда она играет на флейте, она не может напевать"...

Эту историю рассказала мне подруга, назовем ее Аня. Кто помнит совдепию – не даст соврать – разговоры про секс и все такое были под строжайшим табу. В семьях родители делали детям страшные глаза, когда слышали нечто похожее. Тогда молоденькие девушки про такое дело как обычные месячные узнавали от старших подруг, сестер, ну бывало что родители рассказывали, но в любом случае это считалось чем-то очень стыдным. (не то, что сейчас – реклама прокладок и тампонов по всем каналам). Так вот Ане тогда было лет 11, когда ее постигла эта участь – первые месячные. Что делать? Благо, есть старшая сестра, которая подсказала, что в таких случаях делается. А кто еще помнит это время – прокладок в продаже не было, про тампоны даже не слышали, поэтому обходились кто чем. Ну сестра дала Ане старую простынь, мол, нарежешь тряпок на прокладки, потом постираешь, прогладишь утюгом и можно снова пользоваться. Ну Ане стирать это все было лень и она подумала, мол, сложу это все в одну кучу, а потом все вместе постираю. Ну и сложила она эти тряпки… как вы думаете куда? В коридоре стоял шкаф, где лежали всякие там родительские вещи, среди которых стоял мешок с кроличьими шкурками, из которых должны были Анины родители впоследствии заказать шубу в ателье. Ну Аня и спрятала свои тряпки в этот мешок. Есс-но она про них то ли забыла, то ли родители не вовремя решили шубу заказать. Ну вы можете себе представить, глаза работников ателье, когда Анин отец вывалил из мешка эти шкурки им на стол…..
Ох и попало же тогда всем женщинам от отца……………

Звонит телефон, хватаю на автомате. Женский голос привычным тоном
снабженца с прямым вопросом сразу: «Это УралПромАвтоматика, а.....? »
Мой ответ такой же скорый: «Нет, вы ошиблись!». Кладу трубку с выдохом:
Дура! Просыпаюсь от потока вопросов самому себе: Почему в 3 часа ночи?
Почему спрашивали на русском языке? Почему на мобильный? И в конце
концов почему для этого надо звонить в Калифорнию?...

e107 дата 23.11.2005 - 14:07:35 Читать/Комментить: 8отпавить с помощью email кому-нибудь для печати

Комментарии
assree |15.05.15 : 07:54
Комментарии: 55

Зарегистрирован: 15.05.15 : 05:52

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