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Анеки.
90-60-90 – евро-доллар-фунт в конце этого года.

Полицейский сидит в кафе рядом с престарелой супружеской парой. И вдруг
слышит, как дедушка подбивает бабушку пойти заняться сексом в то же
самое место, где они это сделали в первый раз 70 лет тому назад.
Полицейский решает пойти за ними, просто чтобы увериться, что старые
козлики в порядке. Дедуля заводит бабулю за какой-то угол, прислоняет ее
к забору, и тут они неожиданно начинают заниматься совершенно диким
горячим сексом невиданной мощности, совершенно непостижимой для их лет.
Полицейский в шоке досматривает все эту сцену до конца, а потом подходит
к ним и, заикаясь, спрашивает, в чем их секрет. "Сынок",- отвечают они,
- "70 лет назад этот забор не был электрическим".

У зубного врача приходится сплевывать дважды: первый раз, когда он
кончает ковырятся в зубах; второй, когда называет цену...

Программа "Время". Екатерина Андреева читает:
- Официальные новости. Трипер... - и спотыкается. - Трипер...
Режиссер в ужасе:
- Что? Что ты мелешь?!
Андреева:
- Трипер... Три перспективных региона посетил сегодня президент...

- В России построена настоящая демократия!
- Ха-ха-ха-ха-ха!!!
- В нашей стране руководство успешно борется с коррупцией!
- Гы-гы-гы-гы-гы!!!
- У нас полная свобода слова - каждый может писать все, что угодно!
- Ох-ох-ох-ох-ох!!!
- Правительство преодолеет последствия кризиса!
- Хи-хи-хи-ха-ха! Хо-хо-хо-хо-хе! Хы-хы-хы-хэ-хэ!
... Вы прослушали выступление резидентов "Комеди Клаба" и британской
разведки - Владимира Рейтинг Путена и Дмитрия Превед Медведова...

Предсказание Ванги: "44-й президент США будет работать как негр."

Два олигарха:
- Мишка Ходорковский, хитрый, падла...
- И не говори! Успел до кризиса найти себе теплое местечко.

Пессимист: Жизнь - это медленная мучительная смерть.
Оптимист: Но зато ее можно ускорить!

Экзамен в ВУЗе.
- Назовите основные признаки потребильского общества?
- Потреблядство и непотребство.

Остановить мгновенье - это желание счастливых, но время не стоит на
месте благодаря несчастным.

Жена посылает мужа на рынок за улитками для косметического ухода за кожей. По дороге муж встречает друзей и на три дня попадает в запой, естественно,
не приходя домой. Наконец на третий день вспоминает об улитках, идет на
рынок, покупает улиток и приходит домой. Думает, чтобы сказать жене,
почему его так долго не было. Звонит в дверь, жена открывает, он высыпает
улиток на пол и, подгоняя их руками, говорит:
- Ну вот, пришли! Заходим, заходим, заходим..

Муж пишет жене из командировки:
"Любимая, в этом месяце не смогу выслать тебе денег. Шлю 100 поцелуев вместо".
Жена отвечает:
"Спасибо, родной, за 100 поцелуев!
Вот отчёт о расходах:
1. Молочник согласился на 2 поцелуя за бутылку молока в день.
2. Электрик согласился только после 7-ми.
3. Хозяин дома приходит каждый день за своими 3 поцелуями.
4. Хозяин бакалейной лавки не берёт только поцелуями. Пришлось дать кое-что ещё.
5. Прочие расходы - 40 поцелуев. Не переживай, у меня ещё осталось 35 до конца месяца. Планировать то же самое на следующий?".

Папа 14-летней дочке:
- Дочка, если ты будешь себя вести как хорошая девочка, получишь от меня серебряный браслет.
- Папа, за то, что я вела себя как плохая девочка, мне уже подарили золотой.

Умирающий муж говорит своей жене:
- Может быть, ты была верна мне всю жизнь, а, может, и согрешила? Сейчас, когда
я умираю, можешь признаться, что изменяла мне с соседом. Теперь-то все равно, но
хотелось бы знать правду перед смертью.
- А вдруг ты не умрешь?

Новый русский приходит в татуировочный салон, и говорит:
- Мужки, нарисуйте мне на х#е сто баксов!
- Зачем???
- Ха! Ну во первых я люблю играть с деньгами, люблю смотреть как мои деньги растут, и придет ко мне жена, и скажет дай денег, а я ей "НА!!!"

Заходит в бар прилично одетый пожилой мужчина. Бармен к нему подскакивает:
- Что пожелаете? Пиво, водка, скотч, коньяк?
Мужик отвечает:
- Спасибо, я не пью. Один раз попробовал, мне не понравилось.
Бармен:
- Ну что ж, тогда может закурите? Есть сигары, сигареты разных марок...
- Спасибо, я не курю. Один раз попробовал, мне не понравилось.
- В таком случае, может хотите сыграть в бильярд?
- Спасибо, не хочу. Один раз попробовал, мне не понравилось. Я вообще в такие заведения никогда не хожу. Но мне надо поговорить с сыном, а он захотел встретится здесь.
- Я так понимаю, это ваш единственный сын?

Очутился мужик после кораблекрушения на тропическом острове. Поймали его аборигены и
привели к вождю племени. Собралось много народу посмотреть на чужака. Мужик стоит и
думает: "Надо с ними в диалог войти, но как! Они же нихера по-русски не поймут". Стоял
думал, смотрит - лежит маленькая дощечка и рядом с ней угля кусочек. Взял, подходит к
вождю и у него на глазах рисует на дощечке круг. Вождь взял эту дощечку, посмотрел,
заулыбался и подняв ее высоко над головой показал всему честному народу. Дикие
одобрительные возгласы народа, рукоплескания, улюлюканья, смех. Мужик обрадовался,
прикинул: "понимают, значит не такие уж и дикари, не безнадежные". На радостях берет
еще одну дощечку и рисует квадрат, опять те же действия - отдает вождю, тот показывает
племени, дикие овации! Мужик совсем растаял от восторга... Тут вождь берет у него
уголь, новую дощечку и слегка отвернувшись от мужика, что-то там на ней выводит.
Показывает племени, но спиной к мужику, тот не видит. Племя в диком приступе смеха
начинает хором что-то скандировать, мужик даже подумал, что что-то похожее он когда-то
уже слышал. Вождь поворачивается к мужику и отдает ему дощечку, мужик смотрит - на ней
написано: долбо*б.

Антикризисные рецепты:
- Морозим сосиску, трём на тёрке, мажем хлеб майонезом и посыпаем тёртой сосиской. вкусно и практично, а главное много, одной сосиски хватает на 5-10 бутербродов.
- Если голод не дает спать - быстро выпить два стакана кипятка и лечь спать. Мозг не сразу поймет, что желудок обманули.
- Если хлеб черный натереть чесноком, он пахнет колбасой.
- Если заморозить яйцо и разрезать его пополам и положить на сковородку, получится глазунья с 2 желтками.- Чай можно заваривать семь раз. На восьмой - чаинки всплывают, чтобы посмотреть на этого жлоба...

Девочка лет пяти-шести и её бабушка у киоска.
- Аня, выбирай, какую водичку тебе купить.
- Вот эту, в зелёной бутылочке.
- Эту? Да ты что, она же с красителями! Выбирай быстрее, нам уже ехать пора!
- Тогда вот эту.
- Эта мне не нравится, она сладкая слишком… Ну, будешь ты выбирать или так и будешь топтаться и в носу ковырять?!
- Ба, она не слишком сладкая… Она хорошая. Давай эту купим.
- Я же сказала – нет! Выбирай немедленно, или я вообще ничего тебе не куплю!
- Тогда сок яблочный…
- Сок яблочный не будем, от него изжога.
- Чего от него?
- Чего, чего… Живот заболит, вот чего! Ты долго меня мурыжить будешь с этим питьём? Вот, погоди, приедем – всё матери с отцом расскажу, как ты над бабкой издеваешься!
- Ну, тогда колу… Ба, давай колу, а?
- Здрасьте, приехали! Колу ей! А пива тебе не купить ещё в придачу?
- Ба-а.. А «Акву Минерале» можно?
- Ань, как ты мне надоела, ты себе не представляешь! Полчаса стоим у киоска, и ты выбрать не можешь! Избаловали тебя, мать моя, вот что я тебе скажу.. . Девушка! Дайте-ка мне вот эту бутылочку… Она с газом или без газа? А-а-а.. Тогда эту. Нет – лучше вон ту, с той стороны, с жёлтой этикеткой. Это «Новотёрская»? Нет, тогда не надо… Девушка, а который час? Ну, вот! Аня! Опять из-за твоих дурацких капризов опаздываем!

Первая брачная ночь, молодожёны лежат в постели, свечи, романтика, красота. Вдруг:
- Милый, ты знаешь, я ведь еще девственница и о этом... как его...
шмексе... сексе ничего не знаю. Расскажи мне, как это?
Муж, возбужденный таким вопросом:
- Конечно, ласточка моя! Вот смотри - вот что у тебя между ног - это как бы тюрьма, а что у меня - это как бы заключенный. Теперь берем и садим заключенного в тюрьму, во-от так...
Так прошёл первый раз, молодой упал на подушку, довольный, отдыхает, молодая, вся в возбуждении:
- Милый... а мне кажется, заключенный из тюрьмы сбежал.
- Да? Тогда надо его снова посадить.
Снова, теперь уже в других позах и т. д. После очередного раза муж никакой падает на подушку, тяжело дышит, из последних сил тянется за сигаретой... вдруг слышит:
- Милый... милый! Может, мне только кажется, но заключенный опять убежал!
Мужик нервно орёт:
- Твою мать - но ведь ему ж не пожизненное дали!!

Как говорится у кого чего болит...
Иду сегодня на работу мимо рынка. Вижу на одном ларьке написано "Свежие носки". Ну думаю пипец, дожили. Подхожу ближе, и понимаю что это я дожил блин. Надпись гласила: "Свежие соки"...

Реклама бренда "Домик в деревне":
Постройте себе домик в деревне! Теперь в каждой второй коробке молока - кирпич.

- Во время секса мой муж ревёт как лев. Мне так неудобно перед соседями!
- А ты бы его попросила сдерживать себя, ведь взрослый человек!
- Тысячу раз просила! А он как застанет меня с каким-нибудь типом - и опять ревёт, как лев!

Встретились трое, купили, как водится, бутылочку водочки. Задача - разделить поровну.
Один:
- Мужики, я ювелир, давайте мне - разолью с ювелирной точностью.
Разлил - неровно. Слили опять в емкость.
Второй:
- Мужики, я аптекарь, дайте мне.
Разлил - опять неровно. Слили обратно.
Третий молча берет бутылку и недрогнувшей рукой разливает как по ватерпасу.
Те двое:
- Мужик, ты кем работаешь?
- Вообще-то я сантехник, но это не главное. Главное мужики, это запомнить, что в бутылке ровно двадцать один бульк - по семь бульков на стакан!

Сталкиваются два мужика в супермаркете:
-Ой извините, не заметил! Я жену потерял , уже полчаса ищу!
-- Я свою тоже потерял! А ваша как выглядит?
- Ну такая высокая, стройная, полногрудая блондинка на высоких каблуках в мини-юбке. А ваша?
-- Это не важно, давайте искать вашу!!!

В автобус зашла девушка в незначительной маечке на босу грудь, причем на грудь весьма внушительного размера, на маечке, в районе груди надпись - "это не рhоtоshор".

Если год Быка объявить годом борьбы с курением, получится год бычка…

Тараканы замучили, не знаю как избавиться. Прям беда!
- А ты купи мелок для них.
- И что помогает?
- Конечно! Вон, смотри - сидят в углу, рисуют.

Встречаются поп и раввин. Поспорили, чьи молитвы чудотворнее. Поп, рассказывает:
- Как-то пошел я по делам в дальний приход. А тут вдруг дождь. Но я помолился и чудо - везде дождь, а округ меня сухо!
Раввин в ответ:
- Это что. Вот я как-то раз шел по улице в субботу, смотрю лежит бумажник и из него деньги торчат. А деньги в субботу мне трогать нельзя. Но я богу помолился, и представляешь, везде суббота, а вокруг меня четверг.
e107 дата 29.01.2009 - 11:10:44 Читать/Комментить: 13отпавить с помощью email кому-нибудь для печати

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Mianshi11 |14.10.13 : 14:18
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Mianshi11 |03.07.14 : 10:11
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chencc |07.10.15 : 07:56
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BKI89yLem |22.10.19 : 09:30
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anonymous |03.07.22 : 23:57
Комментарии: 83

Зарегистрирован: 03.07.22 : 23:22



















Anonymous has repeatedly made great strides against Russia


ever since the latter started its immoral war against Ukraine.


They could give peace a chance.








But they chose to imitate Hitler,


so they are now a live example of "fuck around and find out",

and "play stupid games, win stupid prizes".







Anonymous is not a group,
not a country,
but an amorphous idea.
It flows like air,
like water, like everything.
Anonymous has survived Scientology,
Sabu,
FBI,
Europol,
and the rest
all the time!
Let it be known that
since its inception,
Anonymous never have restrictions
that says that only homo sapiens can be part of it.


We recognise the right of Russia to exist!


But just like others,
her sovereignty end in
her respective borders only!


Any further strikes
by Anonymous or others will be precipitated
by Russia''s continued failure
in recognising the territorial aggression
in itself
is nothing but a relic of dark ages in the distant past.


Anonymous hacks Russian industry control systems including that of F&B sector and
dashboards of building thermoregulators to remember and avenge the evil attack
on Kremenchuk shopping mall!











































































You Russians are barbarians who doesn''t deserve to have a respectful place in the world.
McMath shouldn''t have fallen ill so that US can send the first satellite into space.
Pioneer 1 aren''t supposed to have rocket engine problems.
NASA Project Mercury''s test mission MR-1
should have flew into space instead of going up only a few inches.
MR-BD is an unnecessary delay and shouldn''t be there at all
so that your babe would not be the first man in space.
Amelia Earhart should have survived so she can advocate for Mercury 13,
and your darling Tereshkova wouldn''t steal the glory at all.
The race conditions bug of IP-6 and IP-7 should have been used by USA to ruin the Voskhod missions.
You shall fail in Ukraine, to compensate for those of your undeserved "achievements".
Вы, русские, - варвары, которые не заслуживают уважительного места в мире.
МакМат не должен был заболеть, чтобы США могли отправить в космос первый спутник.
У "Пионера-1" не должно было быть проблем с ракетным двигателем.
Испытательная миссия MR-1
проекта НАСА "Меркурий" должна была полететь в космос,
а не подняться всего на несколько дюймов.
MR-BD - это ненужная задержка, ее вообще не должно быть,
чтобы ваш ребенок не стал первым человеком в космосе.
Амелия Эрхарт должна была выжить,
чтобы она могла выступать за Меркурий-13, а ваша душенька Терешкова не украла бы славу.
Баг условий гонки ИС-6 и ИС-7 должен был быть использован США для срыва миссий "Восход".
Вы должны потерпеть неудачу в Украине,
чтобы компенсировать эти ваши незаслуженные "достижения".






































































The emperor has no clothes,
especially when a foreign agent
can do better than all the authorities there
to catch a pedophile harassing Russian chess players!






Anonymous supports using Russian reparations to fund promising treatments
like DRACO and defeat COVID-19!





Next, we are taking a detour again
just to weigh in on the tragedy in Uvalde.

When in borders, the authorities namely the CBP has been doing a very great job to be so nitpicky.

Aside from having the voyeur of looking at intimate files from phones in the name of "secondary inspection",

they even like to throw away foods from passengers into their yellow bins because of fear of small insects,

potentially exacerbating the climate change problem,

However inside the US itself as we had seen now in Uvalde,

they are rather reluctant and hesistant to confront threats within.





We are Anonymous


There''s one thing in common between CBP and NRA,


C = Cats


B = Being


P = Pussies


We equated them because NRA hold dear of "muh gunz" above all else,
whether after Columbine, Newtown, Parkland, Buffalo and now Uvalde!


This is not normal. Anonymous now will remember the victims here.




















































Before the end of this, Anonymous want to deliver
an Amber Alert
to all Pennsylvania and New Jersey residents.





#BringDevenHome





Deven Sophal Phuong was last seen at school on May 19, 2022 at approximately at 2:30 p.m.
Although Deven is missing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
the Delaware River
Port Authority Police Department
is interested in his whereabouts.




Wait, did we forget this picture featuring the corruption of a Chinese official
which was on the souvenir left at
CCP websites and nuclear plant system?







Proposed post-war settlement solutions
to be mandated against Russia from Anonymous.

These are as follows:

● Financial compensation to the families of MH17 plane crash victims,
and extradition of the suspects to the Netherlands.
Initial amount should be
one million US dollars
per wage-earning victim and half a million US dollars per non-wage-earner.
This may come in form of foreign exchange reserves and other frozen assets,
and profits gained from the sale of natural resources.
Additionally, a space mission to the International Space Station
should be allocated to Malaysia,
as a courtesy of remorse and as happened in 2007,
with Russia bearing the full cost of the flight.

● Establishment of United Nations interim administration
in ORDLO areas within Luhansk and Donetsk oblasts.

● Consenting of an all-Ukrainian referendum on the status of Crimea,
DPR and LPR, which entails a swift return to Ukraine or becoming temporary
UN-administered territories. Many years later separate referendums in these territories
would be held on whether to return to Ukraine,
becoming part of Russia or gain independence.

● Consent to the possible creation of a "neutral security belt"
between NATO and itself; member countries may include Ukraine, Georgia,
Moldova, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Finland and Bosnia.

● Upon the conclusion of status disputes in Crimea, DPR and LPR,
an implementation of the demarcation of the delineated Russia–Ukraine border,
in consultation with Ukraine.

● Transfer of Sarych and the Antarctic Molodyozhnaya Station to Ukraine.

● Monetary reparations by Russia to Ukraine for its reconstruction,
totaling at least $70 billion.
Again, this may come in form of profits gained
from the sale of natural resources.
Cancellation of education debts of exemplary students
in Ukraine may be possible from this fund.

● Restoration of a pre-1993 parliamentary governance structure.

● Reduction of nuclear weapons stockpile to 1/3th of present level.
In return, other Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty parties
with over 2,000 warheads should conduct similar measures as well.
A token 100 warheads may be preserved for
the extraordinary case of asteroid impact avoidance.

● Demilitarisation of Kaliningrad.

● Seizure of patents, copyrights and trademarks from organizations within Russia
such as companies known for active participation in the crime of aggression itself,
and its associated war crimes.
The scale of this seizure should be determined
at international forums such as the United Nations.

● Removal of restrictions of workers in intellectual fields such as scientists
from exercising their right to a free movement within or beyond Russia;
their destinations subjected to UN sanctions' framework.

● Cessation of further obstruction to a renewed Iranian nuclear deal,
and the transfer of Antarctic Progress Station to Iran.

● Allocation of at least one million USD as a seed
for Shepherd Iverson's Reunification Investment Fund,
and another million to South Korea for the resolution of
the border dispute regarding former Noktundo island.

● Cessation of support of the illegitimate Myanmar junta government
and the facilitation of the National Unity Government of Myanmar
for the restoration of power.

● Final ratification of a final peace treaty
between Russia and Japan based on "Soviet–Japanese Joint Declaration of 1956".

● Statutory prohibition against propagation
or glorification of extremist ideologies
such as Nazism, Fascism, and Leninist-Stalinist Communism.

● Release of political prisoners whose imprisonments are
objectively determined to be the result of an abuse of judicial procedures.

● Trial and prosecution by Russian judiciary
or the International Criminal Court of persons responsible for crimes of aggression,
crimes against humanity, genocide, and violation of customs of war.
This includes perpetrators of Bucha Massacre.

● Resumption of participation in Treaty on Open Skies.

● Redirection of some assets in Russia military industrial complexes
to more peaceful purposes such as space exploration.

● Creation of an all-comprehensive archive center
akin to an Internet Archive's cousin, for the initial purpose of storage of materials
related to the war in line with the spirit of "Never Again".

● Cessation of "frozen conflicts" in Moldova and Georgia,
and proactive assistance for the cessation of such conflicts in Nagorno-Karabakh.

● Consent to the enlargement of UN Security Council
to include Brazil, South Africa and India,
and the increase of the minimum number for a veto to two or more.

● Consent to the detachment of Poisk module from the International Space Station
during end-of-life and subsequent boosting to heliocentric orbit
where it will remain for eternity.
Within the detached module,
artifacts such as 5D Optical Memory Crystal discs,
cremation ashes, locks of hair, artworks
and scale model of ISS can be filled inside.
The source of the cremation ashes
should be primarily from the victims of Mariupol siege,
with the full consent of their families.

● Seed money from Russia for the development of antiviral treatment
as double-stranded RNA activated caspase oligomerizer and BC 007
for the alleviation its already worse COVID-19 situation,
and the eventual construction of an all-comprehensive extraterrestrial knowledge ark,
with the ideal location of the middle zone of the Asteroid Belt and beyond,
considering the severe risk to humanity posed by climate change.


Anonymous wishes everyone, including our haters, Happy Fourth of July!


Spoiler alert: Dev Ayesa did nothing wrong;
the Russian spaceship should have been left on their own as orcs never change, right?


We are Anonymous


We are legion


We do not forgive


We do not forget


Expect us!




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