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Подборка анекдотов вторника!

Я как всегда.
Лежим с ним такие в обнимку, он что-то начал говорить про то, что хочет шоколада.
Я: Поцелуй меня в носик - он шоколадный.
Он, поцеловав: Нет, он карамельный.
Я: Поцелуй меня в губки - они шоколадные.
Он, поцеловав: Нет, они медовые.
Я: Поцелуй меня в глазик - он шоколадный.
Пауза.
Дикий ржач.

Комвзвода приходит к ротному:
- Товарищ капитан, я принес рапорт на отпуск.
- Поставь на стол.

Муж приходит с ночной смены, заходит в спальню, а там - его жена с каким-то мужиком в постели.
Муж, зверея:
-Не понял!!!
Женв любовнику:
- Я же тебе говорила, что он дебил.

-А вы слышали, что один одессит подал в суд на Господа Бога и выиграл дело?
-Каким это образом?
-Из-за неявки ответчика.

- Это ваша крыса?
- Это не крыса, а гладкошерстная американская карликовая такса!
- Раз кот сьел, значит крыса..

Сельская дискотека. Стоит девчонка одна - никто с ней не танцует. Вдруг подлетает к ней какой-то амбал и начинает с ней вальсировать.
Она:
- Скажите, Вы из этих мест?
- Ага.
- А чего же я Вас раньше не видела.
- Сидел я 15 лет.
- Да??? А за что?
- Да жену свою топором убил!
Она поправляет прическу и с улыбкой говорит:
- Значит, Вы не женаты...

Звонок на мобильный.
- Алло!
- Друг, подойди к окну.
Мужик подходит к окну и стоит. Потом спрашивает:
- А кто говорит?
- Снайпер!

На совете безопасности.
- Мы нашли виновных. Американцы готовят оранжевую революцию в России:
- раздалбывают по ночам наши дороги и теплотрассы;
- переодеваются ментами и бьют налогоплательщиков;
- запрещают правительству поднимать пенсии и зарплаты;
- спекулируют продуктами питания, завышая цены;
- вот ведь суки какие...

Холмс и Ватсон поехали на рыбалку.Вечером поставили палатку,легли спать. Ночью Холмс будит Ватсона и спрашивает:
-Ватсон,что вы можете сказать про эти звезды?
-Ну,пользуясь вашим конгениальным методом, - завтра будет ясно, небольшой ветер, тепло...
-Эти звезды,милый друг, -- перебивает Холмс, -- говорят нам о том, что у нас сп@здили палатку...

e107 дата 14.10.2008 - 19:47:21

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Комментарии

caihuali |30.09.16 : 06:06

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Зарегистрирован: 18.03.16 : 03:03

BobbyLem |08.05.19 : 14:02

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Зарегистрирован: 29.09.17 : 14:18

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