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Терминатор-4
Однажды Богдан Сильвестрович находился в своём рабочем кабинете, у себя дома, и с калькулятором в руках подсчитывал сколько в условиях кризиса останется от его зарплаты художественного руководителя самого главного театра Украины.

Зазвонил дверной звонок.

Оставив своё занятие, Богдан Сильвестрович прошёл в прихожую и открыл дверь нараспашку.

В прихожую даже не вошёл или ввалился, а впрыгнул известный российский актёр Дмитрий Петрович Дюжев в наглухо застёгнутом длиннополом чёрном пальто с каким-то громоздким предметом подмышкой, - и тут же спиной навалился на дверь.

- Дядя Бодя, выручайте! – проревел густым басом Дмитрий Петрович. – Прячьте меня куда-нибудь поскорее!

- Ну, лезь в погреб, - растерянно пробормотал Богдан Сильвестрович.

Тремя шагами Дмитрий Петрович скрылся в кухне.

Едва захлопнулся люк погреба, в дверь снова позвонили.

На сей раз Богдан Сильвестрович приоткрыл дверь всего лишь на ширину ладони.

На пороге стояла такая пёстрая компания, что народный артист СССР даже не нашёлся, что сказать.

Первым стоял поселковый участковый Толик, виновато щурясь и ежесекундно пытаясь отдать честь уважаемому на посёлке человеку. За ним, в нетерпении переминаясь с ноги на ногу, стояла группа лиц, среди которых Богдан Сильвестрович узнал пару милицейских погон, два или три человека из лавочки, занимавшейся прокатом иностранных фильмов в Украине и даже двух голливудских продюсеров, имён которых заслуженный артист Украины вспомнить не смог.

Очевидно, ввиду присутствия двух последних, Богдан Сильвестрович произнёс:

- Good morning. May I help you?

- Эээ, - проблеял участковый. – Дядь Бодь, тут мимо вас не пробегал такой высокий, в маске, во всём черном? Он ещё в «Бригаде» снимался…

- Туда побёг, - произнёс Богдан Сильвестрович, указав рукой куда-то в сторону аэропорта «Борисполь» - и быстро захлопнул дверь.

Убедившись в том, что преследователи одного из бригадиров убрались с его двора, Богдан Сильвестрович прошёл в кухню и спустился в погреб.

Дмитрий Петрович сидел на бочке с квашеной капустой.

- Димочка, ты чего натворил? – осторожно поинтересовался Богдан Сильвестрович.

Дмитрий Петрович загадочно улыбнулся и выставил вперёд тот самый громоздкий предмет. Им оказался небольшой сейф из несгораемого и непотопляемого металла.

- А что внутрях? – спросил Богдан Сильвестрович.

- «Терминатор-4»! – отрапортовал Дмитрий Петрович.

- Так оно ж, это самое…

- Ну да, премьера – только в мае, - перебил Дмитрий Петрович, возясь с сейфом. – А я подумал – на хера мая ждать? Поехал и спёр из ихнего Голливуда черновую копию. Ну и что, что звук херовый или картинка? И так всё понятно будет. А с английского мне Гоблин переведёт, я уже договорился. Из самой Америки допёр! – с гордостью добавил Дмитрий Петрович.

- Угу… А ключи где? – спросил Богдан Сильвестрович.

- А зачем мне ключи? – отозвался Дмитрий Петрович, устанавливая сейф на середину погреба. – Нам ключи ни к чему. Мы и так…

Что есть «так», Богдан Сильвестрович узнал в следующую секунду, когда Дмитрий Петрович вынул из наплечной кобуры крупнокалиберный пистолет и с энтузиазмом высадил в ни в чём не повинную металлическую коробку всю обойму.

Сейф с готовностью отразил пулевую атаку и остался неприступен.

Когда звон в ушах немного стих, Богдан Сильвестрович обнаружил, что рикошетом никого из двух присутствующих в погребе актёров не задело, зато на полке с соленьями

по-домашнему искрились несколько разбитых литровых банок.

- Пуля не берёт, - проговорил Дмитрий Петрович, возвращая пистолет в кобуру. – Взрывать надо. Дядя Бодя, где у вас тут взрывчатка?

Глаза Дмитрий Петровича горели огнём школьного восторга и необходимостью действовать немедленно, несмотря ни на что, цель важнее, чем средства, и так далее. Богдан Сильвестрович знал, что в такие минуты с Дмитрием Петровичем лучше не спорить.

- Это тебе в Рыбнадзор надо сходить, у них полно взрывчатки конфискованной, - сказал он.

- Ага. А где тут...

- Третий дом, сразу за поворотом. Скажи, что от меня - должны дать пару кило, - разъяснил Богдан Сильвестрович.

Не теряя времени на разговоры, Дмитрий Петрович поднялся наверх по хлипким деревянным ступеням.

Богдан Сильвестрович начал подсчитывать убытки от «Терминатора-4», с опаской косясь на расстрелянный сейф.

«Восемь бутылей, - подсчитал Богдан Сильвестрович. – И это ещё до выхода в прокат… А что ж будет, когда этот «Терминатор» по кинотеатрам пойдёт?! А когда на ДВД выйдет?! У меня ж от погреба вообще ничего не останется!»

Вдруг через отдушину Богдан Сильвестрович услышал с улицы звуки погони. Быстро поднявшись наверх, он выглянул в окно.

Зрелище завораживало. По просёлочной дороге, подобно Арнольду Шварценеггеру в фильме «Бегущий человек», расстегнув пальто, мчался Дмитрий Петрович.

Следом за ним неслись участковый Толик, отечественные менты и прокатчики, американские продюсеры и несколько поселковых энтузиастов, причём у некоторых из них Богдан Сильвестрович разглядел вилы и топоры, без которых любая погоня в сельской местности, как известно, невозможна.

Спустившись вниз, народный артист посмотрел на сейф.

- Не, - произнёс вслух Богдан Сильвестрович. – Лучше я мая-месяца подожду…
e107 дата 05.02.2009 - 19:01:20 Читать/Комментить: 12отпавить с помощью email кому-нибудь для печати

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