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Работаю админом в одной фирме,вызывают менеджеры - не получается просуммировать значения в ячейках столбца EXCEL. Беда эта мне уже известна, идти через всю фирму желания нет. Начинаю объяснять, что данные взятые из DOS-Файла отчёта программы БЭСТ, содержат точку для разделения целой и дробной части числа, EXCEL воспринимает числа с точками, как текст и поэтому соответственно не суммирует ячейки. Советую выделить нужный столбец, выбрать меню "Правка" >> "Заменить" и соответственно диктую
что на что заменять("." на ","), кладу трубку. Звонят опять, говорят ничего невыходит. Прихожу и смотрю - В поле что заменить набрано "ТОЧКА", а в поле заменить на... - "ЗАПЯТАЯ". Смеялись все долго...

В конце года четвероклассников тестировал психолог. Набор стандартных вопросов, на которые 10-летний ребенок должен знать ответ.
- С какой стороны встает солнце? - интересуется психолог.
Детеныш - дочь программиста, ее на мякине не проведешь.
- А вам нужен точный ответ?
Психолог медленно офигевает:
- Ну, эээ, как сможешь!
С непередаваемым апломбом и гордостью за себя любимую:
- Солнце не встает и не садится, оно на месте стоит. ЭТО ЗЕМЛЯ ВЕРТИТСЯ!!!

Конец 70-х годов. Узбекистан. Знакомый работник Министерства водного(!)
хозяйства (Узбекистан, если кто не врубился!) (русский) рассказал. Он
постоянно выезжал в область с контрольными функциями, поэтому встречали
его по первому разряду. В одном из городков он через секретаря райкома
партии познакомился с директором книжного магазина и потихоньку у него
пасся, покупая ТАКИЕ книги, что у нас просто слюнки текли.
Как-то раз, приехав с очередной инспекцией и закончив все дела, пошел в
магазин. Встретил его директор совершенно ошарашенным видом. –
Володя-ака, ничего нет! – Да не может быть. Давай зайдем в подсобку.
Зашли. После Чингизхана бывало побольше. – А что у вас случилось? -
Сняли заведующего РайОНО. Было заседание райкома партии и сняли. – За
что? - На него настучали в райком, что у него дома нет НИ ОДНОЙ книжки,
вот и сняли. – Но ты при чем? – После заседания райкома народ рванул ко
мне, в магазин и смел с полок и из подсобки абсолютно все, даже бланки
бухгалтерской отчетности и чистые тетради. Восток – дело тонкое!

Спирты на выбор.
Знакомый рассказал. Зашел в аптеку. В очереди оказался четвертым. Первым
отоваривается дед:
- Мне спиртовую настойку боярышника, пожалуйста.
Парень следом:
- Мне спирт Антисептин.
Следующая - скромная на вид девушка:
- Одну спиртовую настойку Перцовую, другую – Лимонную.
Последний был я. Подхожу к аптекарше, протягиваю деньги в окошко со
словами:
- Ну, а мне, как последнему дураку, глазные капли.

Просыпаюсь после хорошо отпразднованного (окончание помню смутно) дня рождения, поворачиваюсь к жене. Она смотрит на меня так укоризненно и говорит:
- Ну, что, алкоголик, нажрался вчера. Ты посмотри на себя, перегаром прет как из бочки, морда опухшая, глаза... гм... (задумчиво)..., а глаза счастливые.

Сидим на английском, делаем задание, где надо вставить пропущенные слова. Один пропуск вызывает у всей группы дикое недоумение. По смыслу там подходит русское "и так далее" (для знатоков английского - et cetera, and so on и ещё с десяток выражений). Но вставить надо ОДНО слово! Мучились-мучились, обратились за помощью к преподавательнице. Ведёт у нас дама очень молодая, и естественно, наши попытки додуматься до искомого слова вызывают у неё тихий, но неужержимый смех.
- Ну, - говорит она, мило улыбаясь, - такое простое американское слово. Они его всё время произносят...
Группа реагирует предсказуемо:
- F@%k, что ли?
Оказалось - stuff. (Кто не знает английского языка: по функции слово вроде вышеобозначенного, только цензурное - заменяет любое существительное.)

e107 дата 16.05.2006 - 12:16:31

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michael-coach01 |01.12.14 : 08:25

Комментарии: 36

Зарегистрирован: 10.09.14 : 08:09

Sem napište komentářThat held true for Jobs in his thirties, during the decade that began with his ouster from find cheap michael kors bag Apple in 1985. But after turning forty in 1995, he flourished. Toy Story was released that year, and the following year Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Apple��s purchase of NeXT offered him reentry into the company he had founded. In returning to Apple, Jobs would show that Michael Kors store even people over forty could be great innovators. Having transformed personal computers in his twenties, he would now help to do Michael Kors bags wholesale the same for music players, the recording industry��s business model, mobile phones, apps, tablet computers, books, and journalism.

He had told Larry prada outlet Ellison that his return strategy was to sell NeXT to Apple, get appointed to the board, and be there ready when Michael Kors CEO Gil Amelio stumbled. Ellison may have been baffled when Jobs insisted that he was not motivated by money, but it Michael Kors wallets cheap was partly true. He had neither Ellison��s conspicuous consumption needs nor Gates��s philanthropic impulses nor the competitive urge to see how new Louis Vuitton high on the Forbes list he could get. Instead his ego needs and personal drives led him to seek fulfillment by Louis Vuitton creating a legacy that would awe people. A dual legacy, actually: building innovative products and building a lasting company. He wanted cheap louis vuitton bags to be in the pantheon with, indeed a notch above, people like Edwin Land, Bill Hewlett, and David Packard. And the prada online outlet best way to achieve all this was to return to Apple and reclaim his kingdom.

And yet when the cup of power louis vuitton outlet neared his lips, he became strangely hesitant, reluctant, perhaps coy.

He returned to Apple officially in January 1997 as a part-time advisor, Louis Vuitton Outlet as he had told Amelio he would. He began to assert himself in some personnel areas, especially in protecting his people chanel bags who had made the transition from NeXT. But in most other ways he was unusually passive. The decision not to ask Louis Vuitton purses him to join the board offended him, and he felt demeaned by the suggestion that he run the company��s operating system new balance outlet online division. Amelio was thus able to create a situation in which Jobs was both inside the tent and outside the tent, Louis Vuitton Outlet Store which was not a prescription for tranquillity. Jobs later recalled:

Gil didn��t want me around. And I thought he was a bozo. oakley outlet store I knew that before I sold him the company. I thought I was just going to be trotted out now and Louis Vuitton Handbags outlet then for events like Macworld, mainly for show. That was fine, because I was working at Pixar. I rented an office http://www.louisvuittonstore2015.com in downtown Palo Alto where I could work a few days a week, and I drove up to Pixar for one michael kors satchel bags outlets or two days. It was a nice life. I could slow down, spend time with my family.

Jobs was, in fact, trotted Michael Kors outlet stores out for Macworld right at the beginning of January, and this reaffirmed his opinion that Amelio was a bozo. Close to cheaps michael kors wallets four thousand of the faithful fought for seats in the ballroom of the San Francisco Marriott to hear Amelio��s keynote address. Louis Vuitton outlet He was introduced by the actor Jeff Goldblum. ��I play an expert in chaos theory in The Lost World: Jurassic Park,�� michael kors outlet online sale he said. ��I figure that will qualify me to speak at an Apple event.�� He then turned it over to Amelio, Louis Vuitton Sale who came onstage wearing a flashy sports jacket and a banded-collar shirt buttoned tight at the neck, ��looking like a Vegas michael kors outlet online store sale us comic,�� the Wall Street Journal reporter Jim Carlton noted, or in the words of the technology writer Michael Malone, ��looking exactly gucci outlet like your newly divorced uncle on his first date.��

The bigger problem was that Amelio had gone on vacation, gotten into a http://www.louisvuittonoutletsyear.com nasty tussle with his speechwriters, and refused to rehearse. When Jobs arrived backstage, he was upset by the chaos, and he Louis Vuitton Bags 2015 seethed as Amelio stood on the podium bumbling through a disjointed and endless presentation. Amelio was unfamiliar with the talking points mk bags outlet that popped up on his teleprompter and soon was trying to wing his presentation. Repeatedly he lost his train of thought. Louis Vuitton outlet online After more than an hour, the audience was aghast. There were a few welcome breaks, such as when he brought out wholesales michael kors bags online the singer Peter Gabriel to demonstrate a new music program. He also pointed out Muhammad Ali in the first row; the oakley outlet online champ was supposed to come onstage to promote a website about Parkinson��s disease, but Amelio never invited him up or explained new balance factory outlet why he was there.

Amelio rambled for more than two hours before he finally called onstage the person everyone was waiting to discount oakley sunglasses cheer. ��Jobs, exuding confidence, style, and sheer magnetism, was the antithesis of the fumbling Amelio as he strode onstage,�� Carlton wrote. ## ��The return of Elvis would not have provoked a bigger sensation.�� The crowd jumped to its feet and gave him a Louis Vuitton outlet online raucous ovation for more than a minute. The wilderness decade was over. Finally Jobs waved for silence and cut to the Louis Vuitton Outlet Store heart of the challenge. ��We��ve got to get the spark back,�� he said. ��The Mac didn��t progress much in ten years. gucci outlet 2014 So Windows caught up. So we have to come up with an OS that��s even better.��

Jobs��s pep talk could have been michael kors outlet online sale store a redeeming finale to Amelio��s frightening performance. Unfortunately Amelio came back onstage and resumed his ramblings for another hour. Finally, more michael kors bags on sale than three hours after the show began, Amelio brought it to a close by calling Jobs back onstage and then, in Cheap Louis Vuitton a surprise, bringing up Steve Wozniak as well. Again there was pandemonium. But Jobs was clearly annoyed. He avoided engaging in michael kors handbags a triumphant trio scene, arms in the air. Instead he slowly edged offstage. ��He ruthlessly ruined the closing moment I had louis vuitton handbags planned,�� Amelio later complained. ��His own feelings were more important than good press for Apple.�� It was only seven days into oakley sunglasses cheap the new year for Apple, and already it was clear that the center would not hold.

Jobs immediately put people he trusted louis vuitton store 2015 into the top ranks at Apple. ��I wanted to make sure the really good people who came in from NeXT didn��t Louis vuitton outlet get knifed in the back by the less competent people who were then in senior jobs at Apple,�� he recalled. Ellen chanel factory outlet store Hancock, who had favored choosing Sun��s Solaris over NeXT, was on the top of his bozo list, especially when she continued oakley outlet discount to want to use the kernel of Solaris in the new Apple operating system. In response to a reporter��s question about Louis Vuitton Purses the role Jobs would play in making that decision, she answered curtly, ��None.�� She was wrong. Jobs��s first move was to cheap Michael Kors bags online make sure that two of his friends from NeXT took over her duties.

To head software engineering, he tapped his buddy Avie Michael Kors crossbody Tevanian. To run the hardware side, he called on Jon Rubinstein, who had done the same at NeXT back when it michael kors had a hardware division. Rubinstein was vacationing on the Isle of Skye when Jobs called him. ��Apple needs some help,�� he Louis Vuitton Outlet Online said. ��Do you want to come aboard?�� Rubinstein did. He got back in time to attend Macworld and see Amelio bomb cheap Michael Kors outlet onstage. Things were worse than he expected. He and Tevanian would exchange glances at meetings as if they had stumbled into cheap oakley sunglasses an insane asylum, with people making deluded assertions while Amelio sat at the end of the table in a seeming stupor.

Jobs Louis Vuitton Bags did not come into the office regularly, but he was on the phone to Amelio often. Once he had succeeded in http://www.louisvuitton-bags-2015.com making sure that Tevanian, Rubinstein, and others he trusted were given top positions, he turned his focus onto the sprawling product louis vuitton handbags line. One of his pet peeves was Newton, the handheld personal digital assistant that boasted handwriting recognition capability. It was not Michael Kors outlet online sale quite as bad as the jokes and Doonesbury comic strip made it seem, but Jobs hated it. He disdained the idea oakley sunglasses wholesale of having a stylus or pen for writing on a screen. ��God gave us ten styluses,�� he would say, waving his Michael Kors handbags outlet online store fingers. ��Let��s not invent another.�� In addition, he viewed Newton as John Sculley��s one major innovation, his pet project. That alone gucci bags doomed it in Jobs��s eyes.

��You ought to kill Newton,�� he told Amelio one day by phone.

It was a suggestion out of Louis Vuitton Outlet online the blue, and Amelio pushed back. ��What do you mean, kill it?�� he said. ��Steve, do you have any idea how Louis Vuitton wallets expensive that would be?��

��Shut it down, write it off, get rid of it,�� said Jobs. ��It doesn��t matter what it costs. Louis Vuitton Purses People will cheer you if you got rid of it.��

��I��ve looked into Newton and it��s going to be a moneymaker,�� Amelio Michael Kors purses declared. ��I don��t support getting rid of it.�� By May, however, he announced plans to spin off the Newton division, the Louis Vuitton Outlet beginning of its yearlong stutter-step march to the grave.

Tevanian and Rubinstein would come by Jobs��s house to keep him informed, and Michael Kors handbags wholesale soon much of Silicon Valley knew that Jobs was quietly wresting power from Amelio. It was not so much a Machiavellian LV handbags power play as it was Jobs being Jobs. Wanting control was ingrained in his nature. Louise Kehoe, the Financial Times reporter oakley outlet on sale who had foreseen this when she questioned Jobs and Amelio at the December announcement, was the first with the story. ��Mr. oakley outlet sunglasses Jobs has become the power behind the throne,�� she reported at the end of February. ��He is said to be directing Cheap Louis Vuitton decisions on which parts of Apple��s operations should be cut. Mr. Jobs has urged a number of former Apple colleagues to Louis Vuitton Sunglasses return to the company, hinting strongly that he plans to take charge, they said. According to one of cheap Michael Kors bags usa Mr. Jobs�� confidantes, he has decided that Mr. Amelio and his appointees are unlikely to succeed in reviving Apple, and he is intent upon replacing them to ensure the survival of ��his company.��

That month Amelio had to face the annual stockholders chanel outlet online meeting and explain why the results for the final quarter of 1996 showed a 30% plummet in sales from the year Michael Kors satchel bag before. Shareholders lined up at the microphones to vent their anger. Amelio was clueless about how poorly he handled the meeting. Michael Kors handbags on sale ��The presentation was regarded as one of the best I had ever given,�� he later wrote. But Ed Woolard, the former Michael Kors wallets on sale CEO of DuPont who was now the chair of the Apple board (Markkula had been demoted to vice chair), was appalled. http://www.louisvuitton-lvoutlet.net ��This is a disaster,�� his wife whispered to him in the midst of the session. Woolard agreed. ��Gil came dressed real Michael Kors Outlet cool, but he looked and sounded silly,�� he recalled. ��He couldn��t answer the questions, didn��t know what he was talking about, Michael Kors outlet clearance and didn��t inspire any confidence.��

Woolard picked up the phone and called Jobs, whom he��d never met. The pretext was to invite http://www.michalkorspurseoutlets.com him to Delaware to speak to DuPont executives. Jobs declined, but as Woolard recalled, ��the request was a ruse in order Michael Kors crossbody handbags to talk to him about Gil.�� He steered the phone call in that direction and asked Jobs point-blank what his impression Michael Kors online outlet of Amelio was. Woolard remembers Jobs being somewhat circumspect, saying that Amelio was not in the right job. Jobs recalled being Michael Kors purse outlet more blunt:

I thought to myself, I either tell him the truth, that Gil is a bozo, or I lie by omission. new balance factory store He��s on the board of Apple, I have a duty to tell him what I think; on the other hand, if http://www.prada-outlet-onlines.net I tell him, he will tell Gil, in which case Gil will never listen to me again, and he��ll fuck the michael kors outlet online people I brought into Apple. All of this took place in my head in less than thirty seconds. I finally decided cheap louis vuitton that I owed this guy the truth. I cared deeply about Apple. So I just let him have it. I said michael kors crossbody bags this guy is the worst CEO I��ve ever seen, I think if you needed a license to be a CEO he Louis Vuitton bags wouldn��t get one. When I hung up the phone, I thought, I probably just did a really stupid thing.
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Bryansoani |07.07.21 : 23:52

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У складі торфосмеси: торф - 60-70%, пісок - 30-40%. Торфопесчаной суміш володіє середньосуглинистих складом з підвищеним вмістом органіки. Призначення і властивості торфопесчаной суміші При приготуванні торфо-піщаних сумішей використовують слабокислотні або нейтральний низинний торф. Додавання піску активізує мікробіологічні процеси, збільшує щільність торфосмеси і оптимізує водно-фізичні властивості і агрохімічні характеристики. Торфопесчаной суміші характеризуються грунт склад грунту високим ступенем розкладання (45% і більше), підвищеним вмістом поживних елементів, близькою до нейтральної реакцією середовища (рН 5,5). Область застосування торфопесчаной суміші Торфу-піщані суміші використовують при розбивці газонів, в тому числі для рулонних газонів різних видів; рулонних газонів партерних, рулонних газонів спортивних і спеціальних. Застосовуються торфосмеси при окультуренні глинистих, погано дренованих земель для створення сприятливого водно-повітряного режиму та необхідної для рослин пухко-грудкуватої структури грунту, грунту.