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Анеки
- Вась! А ты до меня за кем-нибудь ухаживал? - Да! В деревне за скотиной!
И всё-таки, друзья, тёща - не человек. Вчера мою любимую пивную кружку назвала "бокалом"! Так и сказала: "Как этот бокал попал в руки ребёнку! И что он оттуда пьёт?!" Тьфу.
- Девушка, а девушка, пойдемте с нами в поход. - Какая я Вам девушка, я уже два раза ходила в поход!
Холодно зимой маленькой макаке, Собственные каки замерзают в сраке.
Лысый новый русский заходит в парикмахерскую и говорит, тыча в роскошную шевелюру парикмахера: - Вот "штука" баксов, и чтобы у меня прическа была, как у тебя, понял? Парикмахер с сомнением смотрит на себя в зеркало, потом на сверкающую лысину "брателлы", потом на "штуку", снова на себя... Наконец вздыхает: - А-а-а-а, была не была!., - и начинает брить себя налысо...
- Меня вчера гаишник за "нечитаемые" номера оштрафовал. - Что? Номера былы грязнае? - Нет, номера - чистые, просто гаишник - неграмотный.
Мужчинам на заметку или маленькие хитрости. Если при достижении 55 лет переменить пол, то можно уйти на пенсию на 5 лет раньше.
Подходит крокодил гена (Г) к Чебурашке (Ч), смотрит, а у него бананы в ушах и говорит: (Г) : Чебурашка, у тебя бананы в ушах! (Ч) : Я все равно ничего не слышу, у меня бананы в ушах!
Профессор студенту-лингвисту, валящему очередной зачёт: - Ну ладно, так и быть, скрепя сердце поставлю вам зачёт, если вы скажете мне, какие три слова наиболее часто используют студенты. - Я не знаю. - Абсолютно правильно! Давайте зачетку!
- Деда, а расскажи, как ты во время войны два самолета сбил! - Ну-у-у... Не совсем сбил.. Скажем так: недозаправил!
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